This morning, and I am sure some of you can relate, I woke up not knowing where or what I was, or why I was or what time it was, or even IF I was.
Somewhat awake, I started to think, which is, we all know, dangerous. Many times, upon starting a sentence with the words “I think…..” I have witnessed all the variations of eye rolling, sighs, and even some “Well, I got things to do..gotta gos…” from friends and family.
Anyway, here comes the start of another day.
I am in bed. I don’t remember how I got there or why I am dressed only in my sweatshirt and underwear. I realize one foot is warmer than the other and that I am wearing only one sock. It’s the sock I wore to the gym, so I strip it off and throw it on the floor beside the bed, where I see my sweat pants have also ended up. Must have been a hot flash, after one of those evenings when I attempted to watch a movie and didn’t make it through. I must have made my way up the stairs and into bed while sleepwalking.
Now, at this age, if you have any good sense left, you don’t leap out of bed….you EEEASE out of bed. I looked at the clock, which is on the other side of the bed for my still employed husband’s benefit, and see it’s six am. Instantly, I am irate. Why should any human over the age of fifty have to wake up at six o’clock in the morning?
I wiggle around a little bit, just to make sure I haven’t had an arthritis attack or become paralyzed during the night. Hey, it could happen!
I seem to be in pretty good shape, so I sit up on the side of the bed. The room spins. I see my dresser and mirror four or five times in a split second!
Now, I can’t possibly have a hangover, as having a cocktail was not in last night’s activities, but I should have gone ahead and had one, since it seems that simply waking up can feel like a ten tequila shot hangover!
When the room stops spinning, I reach for my sweat pants, which seem to be way farther away than just the floor. I can’t bend over, so I scoot them toward myself with my feet, lift them and start to put them on.
Instantly, I let out a yelp.
My right knee hurts!! It’s under the kneecap!! Lord, please don’t let me have to have a knee replacement like my friend, who had to have three in the same knee because doctors sometimes don’t do the right thing the first two times!!!!
I finally get the sweatpants on, and stand up. OF COURSE I am holding on to the headboard, don’t you?
Standing, I can see myself in the mirror. Lord have mercy, what happened to my hair? It’s all over on one side, stiff as a board, and looks pretty much like a giant, sideways dandelion bloom…you know, one that’s ready to make a wish by?
I attempt to smooth it down, and start toward the stairs, complaining out loud, with much blackguarding and groaning, when I can’t seem to find my flip flops. (Yes, to many southern women, flip flops ARE house shoes.)
It has gotten harder every day of these last ten or twelve years, to walk barefoot, so I stay on the area rug while I adjust my eyes and finally see one flip flop sticking out from under the bed.
Shod, I head to the stairs. I can smell coffee, and the window I left cracked shows me it’s raining. Thank God, now I don’t have to clean out that flower bed I swore I was going to clean out today!!
Okay, now it’s time to tackle the stairs. I recall making gentle fun of my Momma for holding tight to the railing, and now I’m doing the same thing. After all….aside from feeling ancient and almost blind, and having a knee that feels like it’s been sledge hammered, I am half asleep.
Hand over hand I go down, slowly. Our two giant dogs are coming up!!!! I scream “NO” and they freeze in place. Good dogs. No one my age should trip over dogs and fall down stairs without their cell phone.
Oh, the couch!! I fall on it, and grab the quilt I was apparently using last night to sleep under while I “watched a movie.”
Crap, I forgot to get coffee. I wrap the quilt around my shoulders and hobble to the coffee pot, stopping to rub my knee twice on that long trip.
The coffee tastes like crap, so I add an extra dab of French Vanilla creamer and make my way back to the living room, screaming at my dogs to stay away, stay away, go sit, no, no don’t block me, don’t jump on me, get back, go lay down…..which they never, ever do, but the screaming at least lets them know I’m boss.
Sitting on the couch, I hear my phone make the little reggae sound which means I am being texted. I don’t know where the phone is and don’t want to get up to get it. I ask the dogs to fetch, but they just look up at me with their usual adoration and pretty much, I figure, they are not gonna get the phone for me.
It’s chilly in the house, but I have coffee and a quilt. My dogs are lying on my feet, so they are toasty. I have retrieved the phone, and see I have several texts.
“Mom, I love you…have a great day.”
“Hey. Mom. Did you see Jason Isbell on tv last night? Love you….don’t forget to fix my black skirt.”
“GM love, have a great day! I love you.”
“Gym? Love you!”
“Mom, how do you make dumplings? Love you!”
“Wanna hit some thrift stores?”
“Just to say I love you.”
“Hi Big Momma, im texting you on my kindle. Love you.”
I smile….
Yes, it’s gonna be a great day. I have lots of love, lots of friends, lots of family who love me.
So, I smile…mumble a few “bless their hearts”, and find a cooking show on the tee vee….maybe I will make a special suppertonight…..
I look out the door….in spite of the drizzle and the cold…what a great morning !!
Now, back up the stairs to do something with this hair!!!
Oh, oh! oh! oh! oh, dang it……my knee hurts……
I dress and crawl into the car. I put on my sunglasses, because even at this age, Ray Bans make you look like you feel great.
I am headed to the gym, where I will do some kind of work out, and watch people way older than me do the same.
I admire them as they creep around the gym, slowly doing a few exercises here and there, stopping once in a while to chat or gossip with someone their age.
Some of them are bent over, several of them are on walkers and some of them have someone helping them. They are all smiling and joking and they are keeping on keeping on!
And so will I. I will go forth with joy, because I have life, I have love, I have dogs, I have family and I have the ability to rise above my age!!
Yes, it’s gonna be a great day…I think this as I climb up on the treadmill beside a twenty year old with a pony tail and a butt to die for.
My knee doesn’t hurt so much anymore. I start walking, and decide I am a tough old bird. I will walk on an incline today. I hum as I walk…..I hum Inna Gadda Da 
Vida…..because I want to…and I can do anything I want!!
Miss Pony Tail Tight Butt gives me a look. I give her one right back, and say “Good Morning!” She sticks some ear buds in her ears, and turns away.
Okay, I got this. Old age ain’t so bad. I ain’t no sissy. I got this old age thing down pat.
I think all of this as I walk. Yes, when I think, it’s in total southern speak. As I said, I can do any dang thing I want to do….
As I walk, I watch a little old man doing leg presses. He has one of those emergency things around his neck, you know, the “I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up Things.. He is smiling. He has no weights on the machine, but he’s doing something. That’s all that counts. He nods to me and I smile too…..
I keep humming and walking. We had great music back in the day. Dang, I miss that music, but I can hum it…and… I can keep walking. I keep on. I keep on. Yes, I keep on.
