Momma, Flowers And Yard Sales

If you dropped by my Momma’s house…you would take her nickle tour of the yard and be told about each plant…where she got it, what it is, when it blooms, what the blooms look like. If you went to see her twice in one day, you might take two tours!

One day, we were walking her yard. Pointing and describing..she was in her element!!

Now, my Momma was brave. She would have sandpapered a wildcat’s butt. I am, too, but we do have our weakness…..snakes. In fact, all snakes are poisonous. They are dangerous because they will make us hurt ourselves.

This day, we walked calmly, relaxed and content. I had some iris in my hand .. she had snatched them up and handed them to me with instructions.

We came to a bed where she had a little birdhouse. It was about 6 inches square, a tiny thing. A snake had it’s head poked out of the  opening. I knew Momma had rubber snakes in her beds to keep away birds. I said, “Momma, your rubber snake poking out of the birdhouse is so lifelike.”

She said, “I haven’t put a snake in a birdhouse!” We ran back to the bed, and there it was, sticking its tongue out and looking like our nightmare. I threw the iris into the air…

She screamed, “GET THE HOE AND GET THAT HOUSE DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW!!”

I got a hoe, but I was so scared the snake would come out that I stood, frozen.

“KNOCK IT DOWN!” Momma screamed. I hit that birdhouse so hard it came off, bounced  twenty feet, rolled right toward us and landed right at our feet. We were halfway across the yard and in the carport by the time it stopped rolling! The snake was still in the house, but it had pulled it’s head back in….(I would have, too!)

 Momma was determined to get the snake out of the bird house.  She ordered me to get it out! I was just about to cry when she said, “Hold on….get one of those buckets and we’ll put it in it and fill it with water.”

Sounded like a plan. We filled up the bucket, picked up the birdhouse on a snow shovel and dumped it in.

Nothing happened.

We waited.

Nothing happened.

We figured the snake was drowned. Now, I am no killer, but I don’t feel bad about a dead snake, any more than I would feel bad if I found out my ex husband had got his foot caught in a bear trap. They are both evil and should be punished.

We bent over the bucket, heads together. We poked at the birdhouse. We couldn’t believe the snake hadn’t come out. Suddenly……..

THE SNAKE CAME UP OUT OF THE WATER, STRAIGHT INTO THE AIR, RIGHT INTO OUR FACES!!!!!!”

People, I don’t know how that big a snake got into such a tiny birdhouse. It was 5 feet long and as big around as my arm. It was evil incarnate!!

If  videoed, you would see two women, one in her fifties, one in her seventies, running like Jessie Owens. We screamed, we hugged, we sobbed, we hollered for my stepdad, who can’t hear it thunder and didn’t come out!

The snake hit the ground running, too. It went back toward the flower bed. By that time, we were exhausted.

Next day, we were having a yard sale. We had several  customers, and we noticed them backing up. One of them pointed with a trembling hand and screamed, “SNAKE!!!!!”

I threw the money box into the air and ran backwards……

Yep…There was our big snake, attending the yard sale. He didn’t buy anything because he couldn’t reach the tables and snakes don’t have hands to pick things up with.

That poor snake died that day. One of the customers ran to his car, got a tire iron and took care of business.

I did not grieve it’s demise. It should have known better than to homestead in my Momma’s birdhouse and crash the yard sale. It should have stayed far away, where snakes belong.

For years, we would start stories with, “You know, the day  the snake came to the yard sale………………..”