It happens when signs of spring appear.
If the grass starts getting green, the sun starts shining a few times a week, there is a certain kind of breeze blowing, I go into a Spring Fling, or maybe it would be better to call it Spring Flinging.
The name of the obsession came about when I realized my neighbor and I were referring to our antics inside and outside the house as “Let’s just fling it.”
As in….let’s just fling supper on the table and eat.” Or, Imma fling this furniture over here.” Or, “We can just fling something on and go shopping. Don’t do any fancy flinging just regular flinging.”
So……it happens the same every year. I start the Spring Flinging about the time I go to the mailbox…and there it is…..the first edition of the Southern Living magazine that doesn’t have a holiday on the front, but has a stunning picture of a deck, porch, or flower arrangement in a big clay pot with perfection pouring out if it in colors which cause me to think……”Time to start flinging!!!”
People, I am easily influenced……
Of course, I head straight to the garage, where I have a secret, but well known room filled with castoff wreaths, paint, flowers, decorations, pots, shovels, hoes, bulbs, boxes of God knows what, and things I forgot I had.
It’s like getting a gift to open a box and see I had the good sense to buy a pretty trellis, a stone planter, or rolls of that black stuff you put down in your beds and gardens to stop weeds. I get that stuff when it’s going into winter and I see a 75% off sign in a store. You might refer to me as a clearance addict.
I love the word Clearance.
I call him Clarence. He’s my best friend. Clarence lives in every store, but always in a different area, causing me to scout him out and say to fellow shoppers, “If you see Clarence, holler, LOUD.”
Sometimes we split up to find him, one of us will scream “I see him!!” and we will head toward the clearance areas, each of us praying to get there first, just in case.
We forget that minutes ago we were remarking that our shoes were killing us or we feel too tired to put our hearts into shopping.
Clarence is such a good man; we sacrifice a lot to just be around that wonderful soul.
Clarence has caused me to bring home things I don’t remember I have and sometimes things I know I don’t need, but just want. He’s also caused me to bring home wonderful things that I can’t wait to use, put in the ground, plant, paint, show off, or sew.
Back to the Spring Flinging……
Southern Living is not put away. I look at it several times a day to breathe some life into my trodden-down-by-winter self. I admire the colors, the cleanliness, the white porch furniture, the front doors with the planters beside them, and the little tables sitting around with a pitcher of tea on them.
I even admire the little dogs they show laying on the cushions, not shedding a single hair or drooling, as our imperfect pups always do. I admire the pretty families posing on the steps, looking content and wearing clothing straight out of the Great Gatsby or GQ Magazine.
I gather the damp, moldy cushions from our outside furniture. If you are thinking “She should have just brought them in for the winter.”..well, think again, because I sit outside all year long, bundled up like a homesick Eskimo, watching the world go by.
Then, I start yearning for green plants with blooms, drag out all the pots and leftover potting soil and end up not being able to take them outside yet, as it’s still cold and sometimes even spitting snow. In this way, I drive my own self into despair.
The natural progression calls for spray painting furniture, dragging some ugly indoor things outside, collecting up the tons of signs, driftwood, stones and rocks, pieces of broken pots and interesting things I find in even more interesting places, and starting 
the flower beds and fluffing of the porches.
When warm weather comes to stay………..well…….
Now, don’t be thinking our porches look like the Southern Living porches…far from it, as every day I go out and see that during the night, spiders have constructed homes, leaves have gathered under everything, and the beautiful plants are drooping. The pretty wreath I hung has blown sideways, a dog has brought some unrecognizable dead thing to share in our front door, and a film of dust has collected around the doors and windows.
Every day, I blow, sweep, spray and pressure wash to get back the beauty I had accomplished the day before.. It’s a losing battle, kinda like fighting wrinkles and gray hair, but hey, short term beauty is better than no beauty at all.
Now, comes the Southern Living picnic pictures, causing me to whip out table cloths, dishes, baskets, candles, grandkids, chairs, stools, BBQ instruments, and all the Dales Sauce I can afford.
Our burgers and steaks never rival those in the Southern Living picnic pictures. I just pretend they do, and go ahead and eat like it’s all beautiful, never mind that we have smoked up the roof of the porch, spilled a whole pitcher of tea when being tripped up by a dog, or had to get a spoon and remove an unknown floating object from the baked beans. Just don’t tell anyone, and all will be well.
Never mind that the kids think the black on the hot dogs is gross and has to be wiped off. Never mind that the buns you bought have grown stale, or that the wind has blown all the stuff off the picnic table.
Relax, drink some tea, and pretend it all looks exactly like a Southern Living magazine picture.
It IS coming, y’all……spring is going to spring soon…the flinging will start in full force.
I will witness neighbors working miracles in their yards. I will witness dogs catching 
Frisbees, and finally, jet skis and boats in front of the house all day long. We will wave at fishing boats and ask “Doin’ any good?”
I will be complaining about the heat, and my flip flops will be chewed by the dogs. I will get dirt and sweat in my eyes. I will chase spiders with a broom.
I will have those white areas around my eyes from wearing sunglasses all day.
I will trip and almost lose control of the lawnmower on these little rises in the yard, and cuss so loud my neighbors will hear. I will fish all day without catching a thing. I will sit outside fanning the gnats away, and wonder what happened to that pretty plant that I put in the rusty wheelbarrow just yesterday. Today, it’s not so beautiful.
I will redo my sign that says “Wit’s End”. Then redo it again because it’s not like I 
pictured it. Southern Living would NEVER put my signs, porches or yard on the cover, but its good enough for me!!
I can’t wait….I’m not waiting…I am going to cover my outdoor cushions in a pretty green and yellow stripe….today…. the Spring Flinging starts!!! To heck with Southern Living Magazine….perfection is a relative thing, after all……
