I was reminded of this little tale a couple of face book posts ago…..concerning southern women and the way they act when they have “took all they can take”.
It doesn’t have to be a big issue for us to have a hissy fit…….I have been known to upset neighbors and set dogs to barking four and five houses down if the water hose kinks while I am trying to water my hibiscus plants!
Anyway, let’s go back a few years..I am 29. I live in another state in more ways than one. I am in the state of Virginia, and a state of shock. I have been diagnosed with cancer.
I called my Momma, who took off all her good jewelry so it wouldn’t get stolen, and hopped a bus to travel, pray and cry for 21 hours to get to me. She had never traveled alone! Now, this is a woman who protects her young like a settin’ hen.
I had had my surgery, Momma was by my side, dropping ice chips into my mouth, and it was Halloween night.
I had come out of the anesthesia and was in more pain than I could ever imagine. Momma rang for the nurse while I cried, rolled around, and alternately prayed and blackguarded.
If you don’t know what blackguarding is, ask any person who is over fifty years old and lives around here. For those of you who are too stubborn to ask, it means I was using bad words.
My nurses were all wearing costumes, which irritated me no end. Here I was, maybe dying, with half my body apparently ripped out, my exhausted Momma sitting by me, and the nurses dared to dress like mummies, hookers, and Raggedy Anns!
The nurse didn’t show. I saw a cowgirl with a stethoscope around her neck, go past my room, carrying a guitar.
“Hey! Annie Oakley!!” I yelled.
“Be right back…” She said, and kept walking.
That was one.
I saw a couple of people dressed like hippies go by.
“Hey, Peaceniks! I need something for pain!” I hollered.
“Okay, be right back…peace!”
That was two.
My Momma was starting to get upset. I pretended my pain was easing up so she wouldn’t worry. She finally fell into a restless sleep in that wobbly, brown, plastic that sticks to you, backache inducing, chair.
I rang again for the nurse. I could hear music coming from the front desk. Dang, they were singing Michael row the boat ashore……….
That was three………
I be dang if I was gonna let the party advance to Khum By Yah….and I’m sorry if that’s misspelled.
This was not Scout Camp and I was in pain. I was also mad, and that is not a positive thing….nor is it good.
I looked at my dozing Momma. I reached for my purse, slung it over my shoulder, removed the three bags from the IV pole and laid them on my shoulder. I got my bath robe out of the little closet and put it on. I found my house shoes, put them on, and started out of the room.
“WHERE THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING?” My Momma rose from that chair so fast you would think she was actually awake.
“Don’t worry, Momma. Sit back down. I’m just going next door to that drug store and getting some medicine.”
Momma grinned.
We started down the hall together. I held to the wall and walked like Tim Conway. We inched our way toward the hall leading to the elevator, while the nurses sang Mustang Sally at the front desk. It was actually a pretty good rendition, but I was in no mood.
Suddenly, I was surrounded. I looked around at all the mummies, Dracula’s, Frankenstein’s, hippies, cowgirls and cowboys, and Raggedy Anns. Several of them held guitars. One of them had a small keyboard around his neck… I was not impressed with some of their makeup jobs.
“Excuse me, Olivia Newton John”, I said to a nurse who was wearing an exercise outfit….”Y’all go on ahead with your party….Momma and I are just going over to the drug store to get something for me to take for my pain. We’ll be right back…Y’all need anything?” I said, leaning on the wall.
“You get back in that room and back in bed!!” Raggedy Ann ordered. I kept on walking toward the elevator.
“You better leave her alone.” Momma said. “Maybe you have never seen her have a hissy fit.”
Wheelchairs came toward me from three different directions. I saw a few Halloween masks tossed on the floor. I pictured security throwing me out of the hospital that may have saved my life.
I did end up back in my room. I got plenty of medicine from then on. I got total attention. The nurses even brought some flowers to my room, and some magazines, and let my kids sneak in to visit me. I could have probably had filet mignon every night if I had asked for it.
From that night on, I might as well have been in a spa. Momma and I were both proud….of each other!!
My cousin, Vel, gave me the perfect coffee mug. It says “Never underestimate the power of a hissy fit.” I use that mug every morning just to remind me that I do have the power!!
You might try it sometimes. It works way better for women than it does for men. Men don’t look good when having a hissy fit. I don’t know why, and I am not sexist, it just is what it is.
