Running On Empty

I have prayed my way to the gas pump several times.

One afternoon, a couple of years ago, I was near Helen Keller Hospital. I was about to use my last seven dollars to buy gas to make it back home,  so I could stay home because I didn’t have another seven dollars. I’m sure you folks have been there, no money and gotta get home.

I pulled into a mildly decrepit gas station. It had those old tanks where you have to flip the arm down, but I did have sense enough to look at the pump first. It was already on 4 cents.

I thought about this a minute, did the math to the best of my math ability, figuring that if a station made 4 cents on every customer for a year, it would equal about a gazillion dollars.

I went in the store and approached the cashier.

I said to her, as she sipped her cola, ate her Butterfinger, smacked her gum and fiddled with the hoop running through her lower lip. “These gas pumps are already set on 4 cents.”

“Yeah?” she said.

“4 cents, before we even start pumping…” I explained simply, in case she didn’t get it.g 4 cents

“Yeah?” she asked, but intelligently, I might add.

“Would you reset the pump so I can get gas?” I requested.

“Naw…naw…naw…..they done been reset, they been checked, and they’s right….” She twisted her lip ring and started checking out another customer.

Now, folks, I may not be any Einstein, nor a mathematician, but I am big on principal and it was about to be on……..

“Prove it……” I demanded, imagining little ole ladies on social security buying gas here and being ripped off.

“Prove what?” the cashier asked.

“I would like to see the paperwork proving these gas pumps are correct.”

She rolled her eyes, and threatened to call the police.

To this, I said, “Oh, please do call them. I would like them to see these pumps. I would also like the newspapers, the mayor, and the gas company that owns these tanks to see them, and the whole wide world to see them, and I knowGod sees them! As a matter of fact, I will call themmyself!!”

At which time, I whipped out my phone and held it up like a weapon.

I told y’all it was on……it’s just how I am…

“Ma’am, just go get your gas somewhere else.” The cashier looked a bit frightened.

“Oh, so you don’t want the police to come here?” I waved my phone in the air.

By that time, of course, all the other customers had cleared out. They had left that store like it was on fire! I saw a man take a candy bar from a kid, throw it back on the shelf, pull his pants up with one hand and  grab up the crying kid with the other hand, and head toward his car……

I said, “This is not over. I am calling this store out on stealing money from people.”

“Do whatcha gotta do…….I ain’t working here no more after today anyway………” the cashier said.

I couldn’t help it. I laughed out loud. Then, I coasted down the street on fumes, and prayed my way to the next gas pump.

Back several years ago, I got a call from my sister.

“Hello” I said, expecting her to ask what I was doing.

“I AM OUT OF GAS AND I AM IN THE BURGER KING DRIVE THROUGH!!” My Sissie yelled.

Intelligently, I asked, “Huh?”

“GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW AND DO SOMETHING …TRAFFIC IS BACKING UP AND THESE PEOPLE ARE GETTING MAD!!”

 I literally fell over laughing. I told her if she looked pitiful, someone would help push her out of the line.

“I’M AT THE WINDOW!!!”

 Lordy, y’all, I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe.

“Oh, a man is walking over here….gotta go….” She said, and hung up.

Back many years ago, I was alone, it was getting dark, and I was driving through the woods and bushes from Savannah, Tennessee.

I was getting low on gas, and my car had a tendency to overheat, so I pulled into a little, wooden store. It was kinda scary, but there was a little bitty man sitting on a bench outside it, so what could he possibly do to me?

I pulled up to the pump, got out and raised the hood of my car while he sat and watched. I couldn’t get the pumps to turn on.

“Could you help me?” I asked sweetly, just in case.

“We ain’t got no gas…” he finally informed me.

“CRAP!” I fairly screamed. “I at least need some water in my radiator.”

“We ain’t got no water, neither..” he said.

Now, folks, that’s a long stretch into Florence from Savannah, so I was about to panic.

I coasted down the hills on the way back. Uphill, I prayed and prayed. And prayed.

I made it back to the Shoals and started looking for a station. I prayed some more. I promised the good Lord all kinds of things. I even promised I would never cuss again, or bite my nails, or raise Cain over small things such as who left an empty milk jug in the fridge.

 I promised I would never dance in a club again with those no good big bellied boot stomping tobacco spitters.

I made it to a gas pump, by the skin of my teeth. I tell y’all…it is a stretch to say God helped me get there, but hey, small miracles happen, too!!!

When I was about sixteen years old, a friend and I were determined to “ride around.” We had her daddy’s car, we had on our miniskirts and go go boots,  and we were gonna go to the “strip.”  What else was there to do around here back in the late sixties?

We saw we were running out of gas. I pulled into a pump near the river bridge, where we pooled and counted our money.

We had sixty seven cents.

Back then, attendants pumped the gas, so I said to the good looking guy standing by my window,  “Sixty seven cents worth, please.”

He silently pumped the gas, stuck his head in my window, and grinned…..he sure was a cutie….

“Whatya trying to do, ween it?” He asked.

My red face made him laugh out loud. He was still laughing as we drove away.

We headed toward the “Strip.” We had people to talk to and riding around to do….. two teenage girls can have a lot of fun on sixty seven cents worth of gas, or we could back then…