Musings On “Prime Time” Marriage

Having just had a wedding anniversary has caused me to do a lot of thinking.

Thinking things like……dang! I looked pretty good sixteen years ago! This aging thing is as fast as a speeding bullet!

It also caused me to face a bittersweet reality.

My husband and I are not the only ones to meet later in life. We are not the only ones who finally found that person………..that person who is as perfect for us as life allows perfection to be.

He found me first. I fought it with all my strength, but as my Momma would say, “He chased me ‘til I caught him.”

We had both been alone a long time, and we both liked it that way. Yes, we have talked about this…him, with his three dogs, and me, in a tiny, cramped apartment with all my thrift store furniture and my tons and tons of books.

It was not a bad life for either of us; we knew what to expect out of ourselves every day. Get up, go to work, come home, pet dogs, read books, go to sleep alone, then do it all over again.

I simply didn’t expect someone to chase me, especially at this time in my life……the time when I had starting dying the gray hair, searching out wrinkle creams, wearing elastic waist pants, singing Buck Owens songs aloud while I did my laundry, eating tuna out of the can, not making my bed cause I was about to get back in it, and counting change to buy gas so I could go to work to buy more tuna. Heck, I was knitting and crocheting , too!!!!

But, life can change pretty fast, and when you are in the “prime of your life” (what the heck IS that, anyway?) it is pretty surprising to be “asked out.”

Now, sixteen years later, I look back on those days, and I think my husband was a pretty smart man to approach me for a date. From that first moment, we have been together. It was just like a hand in a glove, like birds of a feather, like………….maybe Bonnie and Clyde, old but still determined to be rambunctious.

Yes, we have gray hair, aches and pains, and it takes us a long time to get up stairs or mow the yard.

But, I tell you, people..it was worth the wait!

Something wonderful happens to people in the middle of their lives…………..they grow brains!!!

When you marry later in life, there is so much to treasure. Nothing is lost; it is simply shorter and must be treasured to the point where you make every minute count. Sometimes I do worry about things like which of us may get sick, and in what way, and how will we handle it.

But, I must let that go and live for today. Much like Scarlett O’Hara, I’ll think about that tomorrow…………….and we do have a few tomorrows left.

A day doesn’t go by that I don’t look at my husband and thank God for him. I love the gray hair and the scraggly beard that I have to trim because he can’t do it right.

I love to see him outside, walking so slowly, but still getting his “list” accomplished.

I love sitting with him on the deck, sipping a cup of coffee, looking out over our place, touching his hand just to let him know I love him.

I love knowing that our last days will be together, just as it should be.

Sometimes we forget we are older, and we will see a couple walking down the street, holding hands, and one of us will say, “There we are in a few years.” I know we are there already, but let us dream, okay?

We are here for each other when there’s a fall, a surgery, a backache, a memory loss, a doctor visit. We relate to each other’s forgetfulness. We can read each other like a book…..we know when the old age thing kicks in…………and we accept and try to help each other.

Lately, I have talked to a lot of people who met later in life. It makes me happy to know they feel the same way we do. I have heard over and over how time is so precious, how they make it worthwhile, how they love and support each other, how much smarter they are at this age, and how being older makes marriage better.

I believe that for most people, it does. Young people who have never experienced anything difficult, well…they have to do the experiencing together. Most of the time, they don’t know how to handle it because they are learning.

We….we already know. We have been there, been through things, suffered through unexpected hardships, heartbreak, and sometimes, tragedy.

How do you handle things like this when you are married and you are both eighteen years old?? You don’t know how………….and that’s true! If you can manage to stay together, though, you will learn how…..

A lot of the drama goes away when you are a “more mature” (meaning.. old) couple. You know you will live through whatever is happening. You know that everything is not going to be perfect. You know that this, too, shall pass.

You know that sometimes the biscuits burn and you have to eat toast. You know that your beloved will make you want to scream bloody murder sometimes. You know there is no such thing as perfection.

You also know that everything has slowed down for a reason.

The one thing that doesn’t slow down is time. It keeps marching on, people! It marches on, no matter how old you are. That’s why it must be made to count.

Making it count doesn’t have to be a big deal. Rub each other’s shoulders, watch an episode of the Rifleman and have a few memories. Eat a tomato sandwich together. Talk about who you ran into today in downtown Florence. Commiserate about your aches and pains. (It starts in my head, goes to my shoulder, wraps around my body, heads down my right leg and comes out at my foot , is a favorite of ours..) Just talk, just laugh a little. Sit by the water and hold hands.

Tell each other a few things about when you were kids, the bike wrecks, the time you got caught crawling out a window, the time you got your mouth washed out with Ivory soap, the time you got caught stealing apples from Uncle Johnny’s tree, because you fell out and stabbed your chest on a limb!! The time the police chased you home for tossing water balloons at their cars……..

But, I digress…….
Little moments become big when you get older. Just touch your husband or wife when you walk by them. I promise, it will mean so much to them.

Bring them a drink without them asking for it. Bake their favorite dessert….(who cares about sugar, we are old and we need a treat now and then!)

Occasionally talk about your first date, or the day you decided to marry.

I do hate that time flies. I hate even more that a lot of people don’t seem to realize it. Almost every day, someone we know is either sick or dying or dead. That, in itself, will finally cause your marriage to become more precious.

But………….hey……………it ain’t us………..YET!!!

While we can still do it, let’s do stuff……….lets go listen to music, take pictures, walk in the park or the local trails, holding hands. Heck, we even got bicycles, and we can STILL ride them!!! Go fishing, do volunteer work……..get a part time job, go places with friends, laugh and have fun. Get a fun hobby………just because it’s going by at the speed of light doesn’t mean we have to be all serious.

As for me, I intend to ride into the sunset wearing a tiara, hollering “wooooooo hooooooo!!” and attempting to twerk. It will really make my sister mad…

And I will be holding my husband’s hand if at all possible. After all, we waited a long time to find each other, and we gotta make it count…… to the very last second.

(This is dedicated to the one I love….Tony……and also to one of the best and funniest couples we know…Steve and Sheri Wiggins.)