Jennifer Allen
March 11, 1977 – February 3, 2021
Jenny, my (PeanutButter), a woman with a soul of an angel so pure and sweet received her happiness and joy from seeing others happy, seeing those unforgettable smiles. she put her heart and soul into what she does for those she loves, and you can feel it deeply ,taking such carefulness to the characteristics of each individual within her loving circle. For all those million smiles, all those heart warming moments, Jenny was burdened with the demons of clinical depression and had recently learned of a cancer that was going to tear her apart even more. She is an amazingly resilient woman whom at many times masked those physical, mental and emotional demons just to keep pushing forward. She had a ferocious tolerance against pain so you never really knew just how possibly bad her pains really were. She shrugged off so much of her own damages that sometimes we overlooked what we knew was slowly killing her. Despite the dark clouds that followed her throughout her childhood, Jenny became a wonderful mother of 4 beautiful children. She walked throughout life holding onto hope and in what I can only describe as a miracle found me. She and I fell in love and began our lives together in the year 2000. We raised a beautiful family and built a life together. I couldn’t have asked for a better wife, best friend, lover and more. We were each others confidant, we finished each others sentences, we accented each others strengths and weaknesses. We stood by each other no matter who or what got in our way. We were an unstoppable force of nature. She never really thought much of herself, and as a matter of fact truly believed she wouldn’t be missed. Her demons clawed and clawed and clawed at her, but she kept fighting. She was a person that loved to be able to help and cared for others even though she herself wouldn’t give back love to herself. She saved me more times than I can count, and I can say for certain I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it hadn’t been for my Jenny. Within the last couple months our love grew very close after a series of hardships within our family, medical and other personal issues of our own, deaths in the family, Covid, being diagnosed with blood cancer and then little by little newer pains that she couldn’t brush off. I realize now that she had come to a decision that I wouldn’t realize until now. She wanted that closeness that deep feeling of love because….she knew….what was coming…and even though I had thought I could notice most of the signs, I didn’t have any clue. She didn’t want to be saved. She was tired, tired of feeling the pain throughout every part of her being. I had a wonderful lunch video chat date with her that evening and as usual we both exclaimed how we couldn’t wait to snuggle after I got home. Nothing was out of the norm. She had already told me previously she wouldn’t leave a note for several reasons-#1 by writing it may make her second guess it,#2create more questions than answers, and #3 she stated “when I’m gone I won’t care cause I’ll be gone”. Certain parts of that were emphasized I believe merely to create a disconnect in her to allow her to let go. In my grief stricken heart, I can truly and honestly say she was an extraordinary love wrapped in barb wire, constantly hurting itself yet loving infinitely. I will carry on knowing you’re walking next to me in peace, and I will relish the day it’s time to come home with you. Eternally yours…..
Services will be private
