Girly Girl…Tomboy…Girly Girl….Tomboy….Bi Polar?

When my brother came along, I screamed that he looked like a frog and to put him right back where he came from!

 Momma didn’t seem to like that idea, but I didn’t see a thing wrong with taking him back to the cabbage patch. That was where ugly kids belonged, in my child’s opinion. I wasn’t even two years old, so give me a break. Kids don’t see things the way adults see them!

 I saw all my attention taken away and given to a stinky boy whose mouth went all the way across his face!! I swear, ya’ll…it went from ear to ear!!

My brother got much better looking, and I learned to love him. We got along well together, but as the years went by, more jealousy set in.

I was raised in a world where boys hung out with the Daddy, and girls hung out with the Momma. The reason I was jealous? I wanted to drive trucks, go fishing, cut wood, have dogs following me, wear blue jeans every day, chew Red Man tobacco, and wear a cap!! I wanted to go coon hunting and fox hunting!! I wanted to get a go cart and race it with the neighborhood boys!!

I wanted sips of moonshine, to sit in the circle of men who hunted with daddy, to learn to play musical instruments, to cuss and not get spanked for it. I wanted to ride rickety bicycles I had built myself, take my lunch in a sack to the woods, go with daddy to “pick up his checks” or get a saw blade sharpened. I wanted to work at a sawmill and come home smelling like oil and sawdust!! (It’s a wonderful smell!)

Alas, I was born female. I learned to cook, clean, plant flowers, do hair and makeup, and gossip on the eight party phone line. I learned to go up to Haygood’s Store and buy potatoes and onions, Chick-O-Sticks and RC colas.  I learned to sew my own clothes, smoke a ham or a shoulder, can peaches, tomatoes and green beans.

I learned to clean out a fireplace, wash windows and walls, crochet, do dishes by the millions, and iron clothes for the whole family. I learned how to tell a bad egg from a good egg, and I learned how to dry peaches and apples on a sheet in the sun.

I learned to be so frugal that I could, according to Momma, pinch a penny hard enough to make Abe Lincoln scream. I learned to babysit, watch soap operas, quilt, and play Rook, a card game that sometimes caused family members to stay mad for a whole year!

I have never been a true, honest to God girly girl, but I value all those lessons. They have gotten me through some hard times. I can do all the things boys did back then, because I learned when Daddy wasn’t looking!! Yes, I agree, I am a sneaky little thing, and it does cause me to have a somewhat bi polar existence….

I can cut wood, but I may wear a tiara while I do it! I can switch from girl to boy in a split second. I go fishing all alone, and clean my own fish. but I might be wearing makeup and a dress while I do it!! I sometimes cuss like a sailor, although I tone it down if I am with certain people.

 I can build a fire in no time, because, as I tell the grand kids, I have lots of Indian blood in me. I will, more than likely, pick flowers and set them somewhere in the area of the fire, along with a pretty picnic basket. See what I mean about the bi polar existence?

I have no qualms about loading or unloading a truck, or changing a flat tire, although I may cry if I break a nail in the meantime.  I am now followed by a whole slew of dogs, but they are wearing cute collars!  I taste moonshine when I can get it, but I make a face.  I wear a cap like a pro, but its usually covered in bling.

 I did find out that everything the guys did was not fun……

About the Red Man tobacco….I begged and pleaded until Daddy finally gave me what he called a “chaw’.  I was so happy!! Finally!! When I chewed it, I passed out as cold as a cucumber in Wilson Park! When I came to, Daddy was holding my head while I threw up in the bushes, and Momma was yelling that he had killed her baby!!

Oh, one last thing… I have my own fishing rods…they’re pink.