For The Love Of A Friend….

At times, there are really no words powerful enough to make the pain go away.

I have attempted, all my life, to put into words the way I feel about some particular happening, and once in a while, I succeed. Most of the time I’m at least able to let people know if I’m mad, sad or disgusted or happy…..but this is a different day.

Today, words are only words and they look pretty weak next to the words I would love to say.  I don’t think those words have been invented yet, the ones that are strong enough to express what so many of us are feeling right now.

Several years ago, my wonderful group of friends and cohorts in crime, the Kudzu Queens, met a young lady at a little gathering being held for her. She had found out she was going into a fight for her life, a fight with breast cancer.  Let me tell you, she was a joy and a light, and she lit up that room.

I took one look at her and was jealous. She was beautiful, just glowing, and she hugged each and every one of us with a smile and a thank you. Her beautiful hair, her skin, her twinkling eyes!! We put a tiara on her head and a boa around her neck, and she was an instant queen!

As time went by, she became friends with her fellow warriors in the battle against that ole debbil, cancer. I watched from afar as she made hundreds and hundreds of faithful face book friends, and friends who were going through treatments alongside her.

Sometimes, she made me laugh out loud. I would occasionally see her out and about, with that face, that smile. We always talked and hugged…she always told me how her condition was progressing but she never once complained.

I sat with her on the ground at a friend’s house, shared some laughs and sarcasm, which she was good at, and we listened to some friends who have a band.

I ran into her downtown several times…..and I could tell she didn’t feel tip-top, but she pressed onward, always with that smile.

We chatted a lot on face book. We had similar ways of thinking, and similar smart mouths and attitudes.

We laughed and poked fun. We talked about our dogs, how they can make us so happy at the same time they are driving us crazy. We discussed our families, our concerns, and our husbands. We became friends in a kind of casual manner, but she was always on the other end of any communications I sent to her.

She consoled me when my mother passed away, while knowing she was in a similar condition.

I am speaking, as you may know by now, of Leanna Reed Clemmons.

Not long ago, she announced, with her usual bravery, that the cancer had progressed and she was going to fight her last battle.

Yesterday, as I read posts, made calls, cried, prayed and worried, I realized just how important people like Leanna are…

We all need to know that kind of bravery and commitment. Her commitment to her battle was one hundred percent. I have no idea how many miles she traveled in the attempt to save her own life. Early mornings, road trips, doctors, needles, meds, meds, meds, then home to love her family.

Today, she lies in bed, unresponsive.

Multitudes of friends have rallied around her and her family…..but the sadness is overwhelming.

It brings back so many memories to me, memories I am forced to have. You can’t wipe this bad stuff out of your head…you have it forever….for the rest of your life.

Now….we wait……..in my more down moments, I think that we are waiting for something painful, something that will bring us to our knees.

In my good moments, I know that this is really not the end for Leanna. The love will still be there…the memories, the times she messaged me just to laugh for a minute or two..I kept them all. I saved pictures of her…..I saved texts. These things, I will occasionally turn to for the inspiration Leanna always provided.

Somehow, there are no words big enough, heavy enough, or important enough, to make it better.

So, I will say weak words, but I hope you will hear them anyway….

We are not promised another minute. We are not promised happiness or joy. We are not promised a life without pain. We are not promised that everything will come up roses. We are not promised another sunrise or sunset. We are not promised another laugh or another hug.

All those things may seem trite and mundane when I say them…but picture a life where we don’t have people like Leanna Reed Clemmons. That life would be lacking a lot of joy, laughter and funny smart mouthing with friends. It would lack glowing faces, bravery and determination. It would lack enough, that I wouldn’t want to have to live in it.

So, if I could make Leanna hear me, I would say this….you gave joy. You gave hope. You gave inspiration. You gave much more than you probably ever knew…and for that, we thank you.