Consider chain reactions. I am not talking about those things that scientists and brilliant people on the Science Channel talk about.
I am talking about those things that happen, mostly at home, that you laugh at, cry at, or don’t tell anyone, because you will look stupid and clumsy.
Some of us just live with constant chain reactions. It’s like when you line up dominoes and knock the first one over and go “wooooooooo” as you watch them fall in a pretty line.
The chain reactions I am thinking of are not, however, very pretty. They usually cause dogs to howl and run, husbands to roll their eyes, neighbors to stare, and sometimes even cause cast wearing and bed rests.
It happens to me often.
For example, every night, we eat, drink and make merry around the coffee table as we attempt to find something interesting to watch among our thousands of television channels.
Water bottles, coffee cups, newspapers, books, fingernail clippers, pens and pencils, various papers and bits of flotsam and jetsam are always, always, always on our coffee table when I get out of bed in the mornings.
You may also find reading glasses, my purse, legos, phones, computers, tablets, games, bits of crackers or chips, and sometimes even hair brushes waiting there, snickering, for my chain reaction event.
It goes like this…..I am half asleep, with coffee in my hand which I don’t remember pouring.
I stumble to the couch. I gently move a dog or two off my “place”, flop down, spill a few drops of coffee, try to wipe it up, hit a water bottle, knock it over, and it begins.
Newspapers, wet now, fall to the floor, hitting a bag of chips which scatter in twelve different directions. If you are thinking there’s no such thing as twelve directions, I assure you, you are mistaken.
The dogs attack the chips, wagging their tails, hitting my nail polish remover which does not have the lid tightened. It flies onto our thousand dollar dog bed (the couch) causing a white spot that smells like a hospital.
At that point, I scream at the dogs, jump up and grab the nail polish remover bottle, empty now, and run to the kitchen to get cleaning products that are not gonna work.
On my way to the kitchen, I hit my cell phone with my elbow. It’s on the charger, safe, I thought, but the charger keeps it from hitting the floor. Unfortunately, the charger is right beside the toaster which is right beside the coffee pot, and they both tumble and rock, spilling even more coffee and sending toast crumbs scattering over the counter and onto the floor.
Again, here come the dogs. They lick at the crumbs. I trip over one, and drop my upholstery cleaner bottle on top of the other one, causing him to yelp and run, which causes the other two to yelp and run toward the door.
I slide open the door to let them out, catching the toe of my flip flop in the door runner, which causes ME to let out a scream, jerk my foot and knock over the plant that is on a tall stand by the tee vee.
Then, remembering I am supposed to be cleaning the couch, I turn around and slide in the mixture of spilled coffee, nail polish remover, Miracle Grow potting soil, and doggie slobber.
There is nothing to grab onto!! I am skating across the floor with the Olympian talent of Dorothy Hamill!! I didn’t even know I COULD skate, but here I go, headed back toward the sliding glass door!!
My life flashes before my eyes. Why, oh why, did my momma let me wear that outfit to school? Why did I talk myself into marrying my first husband and birthing babies? How did I let myself gain all this weight? Why didn’t I buy the avocados when they were on sale, and end my life with some good guacamole? I hope my sister doesn’t let them bury me with an ugly hairdo and too much rouge!!
But, I don’t go through the glass door. I stop about two inches away from it. My heart is beating so hard, I can hear it.
On to getting dressed and to a doctors appointment, where I am told my heart is acting up. I explain it is NOT acting up, but acting appropriately, considering I had a chain reaction moment not an hour ago.
Somehow, I have a way of having these chain reactions right before I go to the doctor!
One day, back when people still dressed nicely to go to the doctor, I spent two hours getting gussied up in a new pantsuit, new boots, and new purse. I had my new novel under my arm, and my earrings were swinging. I was headed for my yearly checkup, to a doctor I had never seen, but who came highly recommended.
I headed to the basement stairs, down to the garage. I was looking right, I tell you. My nails were done!! My hair was fixed and my makeup was flawless. I was going to impress this doctor with the good shape I was in, for my age!!
Carrying my book, purse, and jacket, I stepped onto the stairs.
George Bush and Chevy Chase got nothing on me…..I rolled down those stairs, totally did a flip, maybe a double triple back somersault, and landed right in the dog’s water bowl!!
Again, a chain reaction could have taken me to the Olympics!!
My ankle was sprained. I had wet hair and clothes. My new novel was in the dog bowl, soaking up dog slobber. The heel had come off my new boot. It was lying right beside the bowl. The contents of my purse were scattered across the basement floor.
I felt for broken bones. In spite of my ankle, I got in the car and went on to the doctor. On the way, I started to cry. I was intent on not telling the 
doctor my ankle was sprained, because I had insurance and was sure I would end up with surgery and a good, long stay at a hospital, eating jello, signing Do Not Resuscitate forms, and wishing my kids would visit.
He took one look at me and asked me if I knew the Lord.
I said, ‘Yes, I probably know him better than you do. We are personal friends. If I want a doctor, I go to a doctor, and if I need the Lord, I go to a preacher.”
He said, “You look like you could use the Lord.”
I said, grabbing my wet purse, with as much dignity as I could muster, “Are you a doctor or a preacher? Right now, I don’t know any preachers who can do a physical on me!”
I left the office in a huff. I called the person who sent me to that doctor and let them have it with both barrels. I bet they wouldn’t even refer me to a restaurant now.
This is how chain reaction works. It’s not a scientific thing, it is a life thing.
Be careful what you leave on your coffee table when you go to bed at night.
Don’t dress up to go to the doctor, either. It could all be destroyed in seconds. Go on in your sweats and flip flops. They could care less at the doctor. All they really want is your insurance card.
But, always remember, they may see your tear stained face and try to save your soul.
I did scream ‘OH GOD!” as I skated toward the glass door that day, and I screamed it again as I tumbled down the stairs, using all my Olympic tumbling skills.
I think that counts as knowing the Lord. After all, I did ask for His help first!!
