I am 18 and wearing a wedding dress

I am 18, and wearing a wedding dress.

I am clutching a two dollar bouquet and wondering if I am messing up big time. My Momma comes in the bedroom and gives me “the look”. I know for sure that “the talk” is finally coming. I think, “Oh, me, I probably know more than she does.”

To put it off, I fix my makeup. Finally, I turn to Momma and ask, “What, Momma?” Very seriously, looking me straight in the eyes, she

Momma and Me

says,“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” Then, she hurries out the door.

 I think often of that statement she made. I ended up doing lots of things I didn’t want to do. That’s the life of being a wife and mother. I know Momma did many things she didn’t want to do also.

 I believe she meant that to be a statement about the physical relationship between a husband and wife. I prefer now to take it as a statement about the whole of life. Nowadays, I don’t do much that I don’t want to do, but life has changed a lot.  So have I. Momma often said, “I am 70 years old. I can say and do whatever I want. Nobody is gonna hold a kid over my head and nobody is going to make me do anything. If I can live this long, I reserve the right to do and say anything and get by with it.”

My marriage was a mistake. I did get a beautiful family out of it, however flawed they are. Some of their flaws are endearing, as are the flaws Momma had. She had many, admittedly, but as she grew older those flaws became precious and make for good story telling. Her advice was often sideways, a little twisted, given in a southern code that only we family members knew how to decipher. In her day, one did not say the word “pregnant.” They said “In the family way” or “expecting.” God forbid anyone said the word “sex” out loud!! Life would have changed in an instant, and whoever said it would have had to have stitches.

 People did not tell everything in those days. Family secrets remained secret. Kids hid behind doors or sat on the stairs, eavesdropping, to find out why so- in -so was in trouble. It makes some of our family history somewhat distorted, because we tell it the way we heard it.

Kids know too much these days. The so called wisdom they have is, in my opinion, too much. You don’t see many kids on bikes, hair flying and smiles on their faces. If you do see a kid outside, they have something in their hand to play or text. You have to watch carefully so you won’t run over them, because they never look up from their phones.  They can’t spell or do math. Everything is IDK, LOL, or LMAO.  Uh, folks, that’s not spelling.

 We studied our spelling words as if Jesus was handing out the grades. We sat at the kitchen table and tried to figure out why algebra had letters and what to do with them. (I never figured that one out.) We spent weeks on science projects. We played in the woods, eating muscadines and sucking the nectar out of wild honeysuckle. We brought home berries and Momma made pies, even if it was just a handful. We captured turtles and snakes and collected pretty rocks. We rode horses and bikes. We sometimes did our homework while sitting in a tree. Our Momma called us home by whistling through her fists, a trick not many people know these days. If you can do it, you are probably over 45 years old, at the very least.

Dylan was right when he sang in his nasal twang that “the times, they are a changing.” It’s not always for the better. I suggest going for walks in the woods with your kids or grand kids. Have them put their own worm on the hook and pull in a catfish. Make some memories other than what someone said on a text or how you won a computer game.

 Life is too short to spend it looking at a screen. Look at birds, look at the sky, look at each other. Eat a baloney sandwich on the river bank without washing your hands. Build a fire and roast a marshmallow til it’s burnt black, then eat it anyway.You will have  stories to tell one day, and you will have some precious memories of even the difficult times.

And once in a while, thank God for the parents you have, or have had, and the old fashioned things they taught you. Give your  children and grandchildren the same gift.

 Oh, and if you spend some time outside, they might be able to tell the difference between a pine tree and a cedar tree.