50 Ways To Find A Lover..Better Known As Queen Sheila’s Rules

It takes a long time for most of us to learn our lessons…..I am discussing women right now, so, you men, hold your hats while we talk.

As a matter of fact, how about making your woman a glass of sweet tea while she read this..you could be on the list and it might hurt your feelings.

Many of my friends, and family, know that over the years, I have made a list of dating rules.

This list may also be considered “marrying rules” but only in the event that you don’t pay attention to them while they are still “dating rules”.

 I promise you will not let yourself down if you follow them. It took me a while, but my list must be fantastic and correct…

I have evidence…my real, true, honest to God….Sweet Potato Queen, the Royalty Almighty, the much bowed to Jill Conner Browne , even included my list of dating rules in her book, “Fat is the New Thirty”.

Just in case you are in doubt, she gave me credit as Queen Sheila, and included my rules on pages 114 and 115. Her books are interpreted and sold all over the world, so heads up…there IS dating advice that is true and makes sense…..

When Jill Conner Browne believes you, you MUST be telling the truth!

After many fails at dating, and a couple of fails at marriage, I watched until I figured it out…

NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER, date a man who:

 1.  Has hips wider than his shoulders.

  2.  Has eyes that are only an inch apart.

  3.   Is 40 years old, or older, and still lives with his mother, and she is NOT an invalid.

  4.  Starts sentences with, “I think you (should, are, or ought to)

  5.  Has a pet monkey.

  6.  Or, last but not least,  walks on his tiptoes…(ewww).

Now, I have more rules. I gather them as time goes by.

 I watch men, I watch women, I watch couples. I watch old people and teens.  On the streets of any city, you see things that bring on the rule making, whether or not I am in the rule making mood.

Sometimes the good Lord just forces me to see and take it down…He does this for YOUR protection!

I have decided you should not ever, ever date a man who:

  7.   Walks ahead of you at Walmart.

  8.   Sits in the car while you pump gas.

  9.  Grabs your boobs in public.

  10.  Whose idea of a good time is passing gas while holding a beer and discussing wrestling.

  11.  Who runs his hands through his own hair all the time.

  12.  Wears shorts that are truly short.

  13.  Has tattoos on his head where his hair should be, especially if they are of his mother, naked.

  14.  Blows his nose in the bushes in front of Cracker Barrel because he didn’t have the good sense to bring out a napkin with him.

  15.  Watches old women cross the street on a green light, with a cane, and a lead dog, while she carries two bags. (She may be multitasking, but a guy should at least offer help so she won’t end up as a greasy spot in the street.)

  16.   Only looks at the stuffed animals in thrift stores.

  17.   Wears a hat that would look better on a girl.

 Now, I am not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but I know for a fact these rules must be followed!

 If you are young, you have lots of time to put them in play.

 If you are older, and have already looked back on all the hell you put yourself through, as I have, it is not too late for you. You can at least warn the young women in your life.

You could even print out the list and pass it out in the Walmart parking lot! Or, at least the Dollar General….

I have more rules, and will get more as times progresses . Stay tuned…it’s an interesting and rule causing world out there….